Everybody needs a little support.
I’m not sure who knows this, but I am an only child. So, as a “lonely only,” I obviously went and had a million kids. When people hear how many kids I have, they often ask, “Have you ever heard of television?” Listen, Karen, my husband is smokin’ hot and his offspring are pretty amazing people. If my doctor wouldn’t have begged me to stop, I probably would have had a dozen or so. But as things go, I think my uterus is giving me a big middle finger now for all the things I’ve put her through.
My first three births were traditional. Meaning, there was only one of them coming out of me at a time. Then, I had twins. Twins are a funny, weird, and interesting situation to behold. My husband is a twin, and I honestly never understood it because I am an only child. We could not be more different, and I think that’s why we work so well.
My understanding of twins widened when I had a pair for myself. Two people that come from the same exact place at the same moment. Two people who spent their making only inches from one another. Support since conception. It’s a very intriguing relationship to behold. Lately, the twin bond has become even more apparent. I wanted to share one thing that I’ve learned from my tiny twins that has impacted me so greatly:
Just like the song says… Everybody needs somebody. Period.
We all go through some sh*t in life. Some people are born into trauma or have it happen at a young age, so they carry this weight around with them as they grow. Other people’s trauma comes later in their life and becomes hard to digest because they’ve lived such a peaceful existence. Whatever way the sh*t hits your fan, you will need three things when it does go down: faith in something higher, an inner strength, and a support system.
As a person who spent a majority of her life alone, isolated from the outside world and filled with trauma, a passerby would have never known how dysfunctional things really were in my life, because I never leaned on anyone for support. It’s like that house from the show Hoarders; on the outside, it looks well kept and maintained. Meanwhile, you can hardly open the door due to the buildup of the hoard on the inside. I held my own because that’s what I saw my mother do, and I assumed that’s how you’re supposed to roll. Just deal with your problems internally. NEVER EVER share how you feel, hide from people, and keep it moving.
Now, as a real adult in my mid-30s (and literally just in these last few years), I lean into my faith in God every single day, praying almost once an hour, having conversations with my higher power often. I’ve formed a deep and meaningful relationship with God, which has empowered so many things. I’ve noticed that when you go through something, it is good to have personal strength. Depending on yourself to pull up your big-kid chonies and march forward is a big task that sometimes seems insurmountable.
This strength will help you not to cry in the line at Target because you’re triggered when the unsuspecting cashier asks you, “How are you today?” and doesn’t realize what a loaded question that is. Don’t emotionally assault Jen at register 10… She’s asking to be nice. It’s her job.
Lastly, if you have someone in your corner—someone cheering you on, a shoulder to lean on—then truly you’re a blessed person. It wasn’t until I started leaning on people that I learned how important it was all along. I have one particular friend that I consider my “vault.” I can tell her anything and it goes into the friendship vault, where it stays. I’ve found a lot of different supportive people lately, each one designed for a certain issue or problem. Support isn’t just a good bra, although a little underwire doesn’t hurt, either.
I think the keys to life don’t open just one door; they allow you to enter all kinds of places. But the most important lock is love. Once you’ve unlocked it, spread it, share it, and show it, because you never know who needs it.
Reality Changing Observations:
1. Who do you go to when you need a little support?
2. Do you find it hard to lean on people when you’re struggling? Do you hide? Why or why not?
3. What advice would you give yourself if you were your best friend?